Riley's Half Birthday

Riley's Half Birthday

6 Months

And just like that, we are halfway to one year with Riley.  I used to celebrate every week with her, then I lost count of weeks and began to celebrate months... and yes, calling her 'half of a year' old is a stretch, but it feels different to me.  And I think it is a mother's right to be a little ridiculous about milestones.

So much has happened in this last month, and one of the biggest milestones for us has been Riley's ability to sit on her own.  I kind of thought it would be a slow process, but it was literally overnight.  I set her down one morning and she was just sitting.  She now loves exploring her world from this position.  She can reach things better, use both hands to play with toys (and put them in her mouth), and I'm sure see everything differently.  She is also good at plunging towards something from her sitting position to her belly. However, she despises being set on her back now.  Diaper and clothing changes are a struggle and resemble wrestling an alligator (although I'm sure it will only get worse when she's mobile). It is pretty hilarious, when she is set down on her back she holds her head up like she's in the middle of doing a crunch.  You can tell it is uncomfortable, but she holds out as long a possible before she lays her head down.  

I reread my last entry on sleep, and it sounded a little dismal/desperate.  Sleep has improved immensely.  Sleep training wasn't this magic solution that fixed all problems in a few days, but life is much better for everyone.  The hours of bouncing, rocking and crying (on my end) before bed are a thing of the past.  As soon as our bedtime routine is finished, she stretches and reaches for her crib. This is strange to me - now she actually prefers to not be held and soothed by me because she is so good at doing it herself.  When I lay her down, she grabs her blankie and rolls onto her belly and slowly falls asleep. She does wake up a few times a night, and we have to let her cry.  Sometimes this lasts for a minute, and other times up to 40.  I still really struggle to hear her cry, but as I see her overall wellbeing improve with her sleep habits, I am encouraged that this is worth it. 

She wakes up VERY early though.  We are lucky if she sleeps until 5:30.  On the weekends, Charley and I have to tag team.  One of us will wake up with her until her first nap, and then we'll trade off on the second waking. It is a good system, but we still end up pretty tired. 

We have had to put sleep work on hold for the past week though because Riley has had a cold and has been teething.  I do cherish the opportunity to comfort and cuddle her now (I have missed it), but her needs are different.  She really does prefer her crib over me most of the time, which is pretty incredible.

Riley is the definition of a little girl - she is sugar with quite a bit of spice (I told Charley that girls are 'sugar and spice and everything nice, and boys are slugs and snails and puppy dog tails' and he didn't think it was very fair...)! She knows exactly what she wants and lets everyone know it.  And she seems to want pretty much everything (and when she gets it, even if it is your face, it goes straight into her mouth).  Charley and I really don't have to guess with her - it is very obvious that she wants to be picked up, or be set down, or needs a certain toy, or is hungry or tired...  For a six month old, her communication is very clear.

And yes, she is stubborn.  All things that I hoped she'd be (and I know I'll dread during her teenage years).  I didn't want her to get my passive and indecisive side - I was hoping she'd be assertive and sure of herself.  

She seems to be pretty fearless.  Very little frightens her.  Big dogs, loud buses, sirens, new places, strangers who seem scary to me, etc. don't startle her.  The only things that really freak her out are the vacuum, loud coughs and nose blowing.  

Eating has become an interesting challenge.  It really depends on her mood.  Half of the time I try and feed her she's so preoccupied with the spoon, bowl, or feeling of the food between her fingers (or in her eyes and up her nose) that she doesn't eat.  Any distraction, even the food itself, keeps her from eating.  Same goes with milk - unless she is in a dark, quiet room, she will NOT drink a drop.  There are two reliable things when it comes to eating - it will get into every single crevasse on her head, and every utensil will end up on the floor.  Funny though - she really enjoys drinking water from a regular cup - I don't know if it is the feeling of water on her lips, or if she really is just thirsty, but she LOVES it. 

Things really are incredible right now.  We have our evenings back (which means I get to cook and Charley and I get to talk again), Riley is thriving now that she is sleeping (she is all smiles and energy - I can't believe how tired she used to be), the weather is beautiful, and she finally gets to wear some of those adorable spring rompers (Charley's new nickname for her is Romper Doodle - goes great with the Yankee Doodle song). We are entering a six week stretch of nonstop weddings, travels and family get-togethers so things are going to be pretty hectic.  But we are looking forward to it all...  There is nothing better than some quality family time with this little munchkin - she is so much fun and our favorite!

Happy half birthday little Riley!

Riley's Birth Story

Our Full Moon Baby
Riley's Birth Story

I can't believe it has taken me five months to get this down...  in a way though, I feel like the timing is right.  Now that I've had five months to get to know Riley, her birthday means infinitely more now than it did then.  I've had time to recover, restructure my life, and ultimately begin to be comfortable in my role as a mother.. and now I look back on this blurry day with much more clarity, and I savor every memory I have from it. This is the day our lives changed and became richer in a way I could never have imagined.

So here is Riley's birth story.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I kept hoping that my labor would begin with my water breaking.  I wanted to know without a shred of doubt that I was going into labor, and that would be a sure sign that Riley's arrival was imminent.  Now that I think back on it, I find this to be very comical.  For some reason I (as well as many mothers-to-be) thought I might mistake real contractions for false ones and would end up being turned away from the hospital.  Now I realize if you ask ANY woman who has given birth, they will tell you that you will NOT confuse real contractions with false ones - those suckers are distinguishable to say the least!

That being said, I got my wish and my water broke at 2am on Wednesday the 28th.  My mom and I both laugh when we think back to the night leading up to this because we both knew that it was the night it would happen.  My mom says I was acting strange, and I felt the need to (finally) pack my hospital bag before going to sleep. More than that though, I knew it was a full moon and had a very, very strong feeling that it might happen on that day. After all, statistics show a peak in deliveries on full moons.

Once my water broke I was overcome by the most intense case of the stomach butterflies.  I was absolutely elated that the day was finally here, and I wasn't anxious at all.  I called the doctor and they told me to come in within an hour or two (once your water breaks there is a risk of infection, so it is important to deliver within 24 hours).  Once Charley and my mom woke up, we took our time to shower and get ready. Nobody really said much to one another - I think it was a mixture of exhaustion and an entirely new type of anticipation for us all.

The contractions came on slowly, and although each one was a tiny bit stronger than the last, I still wasn't nervous - I was all smiles.  We were going to finally meet our little girl.

We arrived at the hospital around 5am, and pulled up behind another couple who were checking in to deliver a baby.  The woman in labor was in a wheel chair and you could tell by her face that she was in a serious amount of pain.  A lot of pain.  She wasn't speaking and it looked like she was about to pass out. This planted a seed of anxiety...

Once we were upstairs, we were told that I was about 1cm along and I could possibly deliver the baby before midnight (over 18 hours away), but maybe not.  Either way I should expect a long labor (yay).  Now that I look back on that comment, I feel both infuriated and thankful.  Thankful because the competitive side of me wanted to prove them all wrong, and infuriated because that was a very discouraging and frightful moment in the day.  I know they are trying to set realistic expectations, but come on!

Once admitted, we were brought to our labor and delivery room.  This is when we heard another woman two doors down and that seed of anxiety exploded...  I don't think I have ever heard sounds like those.  I have seen women vocalize their pain in movies, but I'd never heard it in real life.  My stomach dropped and I felt my first wave of fear and nervousness.  This day was going to entail what would most likely be one of the most intense, painful experiences of my life... I felt prepared up until that moment, but at that point all preparation went out the window.  I no longer felt in control. Neither of us really knew what to do, so we decided we should go walk the halls.  Charley was amazing and cracked quite a few jokes, so I was able to refocus and allow myself to be distracted from the contractions.

After a few laps, we walked by the room where we had heard the screaming.  She was in a wheelchair holding her precious baby.  This was a gift - I was able to remember that in the end we would have our daughter and whatever pain I would endure would be worth it.  

For the next few hours, we alternated between walking (my mom and Charley's mom joined us for a few laps), watching the peaks and valleys on the monitor, and trying to watch the Big Bang Theory on our computer.  The contractions were getting stronger, and unfortunately they were all in my back.  Riley was "sunny side up" - a baby facing upward can be delivered safely, but it causes back labor which is quite a bit more painful. 

Doctors came in and out of the room, but I was never checked for progress.  Once the water breaks, the risk of infection prevents doctors from checking more than once or twice.  Although I appreciated then prioritizing Riley's safety, I felt like we were sitting in a room without a clock.  I just wanted to know how far along I was... I wanted to appropriately set my expectations for her arrival time as well as the way I was managing the pain... but I was left in the dark.  

The one thing that each doctor did keep telling me though was that they predicted the baby was between seven and seven and a half pounds.  This was reassuring for me because it sounded small and manageable!

Around 11am, the midwife on duty said she would like to put me on Pitocin (the synthetic form of the labor inducing hormone oxytocin).  I dreaded this because I had heard it was very painful and increases chances of having a cesarean, but after some reassurance from my wonderful nurse Laura, I finally agreed to getting hooked up to it.  

Pitocin is hell in an IV bag.

Within moments of being hooked up to it, my contractions got very intense and close together.  I tried very hard to breathe through them, but found this to be difficult because they actually took my breath away (another thing I found to be ironic - breathing was a LOT more difficult than they make it out it be).  Closing my eyes and slowly counting to ten in my head was what I ended up doing to get through each one.  A dear friend of mine had told me ahead of time to remember that labor WILL end...  I reminded myself of these wise words repeatedly as the contractions got worse.

Around 2pm my nurse apologized and upped my dosage of Pitocin.  I remember thinking I wanted to punch her in the face.  I decided to get the epidural which was finally hooked up around 3pm.  I was feeling a bit guilty for getting it - I really wanted to make it as far along as possible without getting the epidural, and I had no idea if I had progressed at all.  But I was finally checked at this point, and I was actually 7-8 cm dilated.  This was incredible news!  I had made it through active labor on my own, and we were getting closer to having a baby. 

Although I did have a moment of weakness with my nurse, she truly couldn't have been more incredible.  Laura had been a labor and delivery nurse for over 30 years, and she knew her stuff.  I became very dependent on and attached to Laura, and I was worried about her leaving at 7pm (the end of her shift).  I REALLY wanted to have the baby while I was still on her watch.

The epidural made the pain much more manageable, but I could still feel quite a bit of the contractions. They were getting VERY intense and close together.  Around 5:30 I told my nurse that I really felt like I was ready to push - I could tell they didn't quite believe me, but they checked anyways and I was fully dilated and ready to go.  They gathered the team together, and by 5:45 I began to push.  The doctors estimated it would take me a few hours of pushing; Laura estimated an hour.  I remember thinking, "There is no way hell I am going to do this for two hours" (and there were a few more curse words than that). 

The next 30 minutes were a complete blur, but a few moments stand out. I remember: Charley's genuine words of encouragement being a pillar of strength - he was calm and truly believed in me; Laura yelling at me to focus on her face during the final moments; allowing my sailor's mouth to go unfiltered; the amazing sense of relief when she was actually born; the overwhelming feeling of pure love and amazement when she was put on my chest.

Riley was born at 6:19pm, and at that moment everything felt so complete (for lack of a better word). She looked so beautiful and peaceful...  each movement she made and breath she took evoked a feeling of pure awe. And the emotion and love on Charley's face was stunning.  We finally had our little girl, and everything was okay.

I beat the clock, finally put a face to the little person kicking me for the previous 9 months, and Riley definitely exceeded all weight predictions.  And guess what?  I wasn't pregnant anymore!