Two Months
My little buddy is officially two months old and I can't believe that I've been a mom this long. I know, 9 weeks isn't really that long, but for me it seems like I was just whining on my blog about wanting to meet Riley.
I'm a little frustrated that I haven't been better at jotting down this experience - time really is much more difficult to come by. And time is really starting to scare me...
It seems like everything is blurring together because my days all feel very similarly marked with loads of laundry (half a load - my clothes have been left soaking in the wash far too many times), multiple changes of clothes, long, drawn-out bedtime "routines," and lots of baby-talk.
But I know time is passing because I can think back on the way things used to be with her. She used to hate being swaddled. She used to cry whenever I changed her diaper. She used to like the bathroom fan (and not fear it). There is already a past and present with her which is difficult for me to grasp. The changes are subtle, and I have to say that I am pretty proud of how far our little family has come. It is beyond challenging, but we are definitely getting the hang of a few things. Charley and I are well-oiled machines when it comes to bath time, eating dinner quickly (and one at a time) and figuring out how she wants to be held.
I have many weak moments, but my confidence as a mother is growing. She and I have really gotten to know each other, and I feel more equipped to handle certain situations. I have no fear breastfeeding in public (my hooter-hider is a miracle), I know when she hits her walls, I can read her cries pretty well, I can anticipate certain moods...
But just when I have something figured out, she throws me another curve ball. Life is so far from boring.
Whenever I pick her up in the mornings she has a big grin on her face which helps erase the frustration and exhaustion from the sleepless night before. And even in the middle of the night when she wakes me up for the third or fourth time, she typically starts to smile when she seems me peeking into her bassinet. This of course leads to us both smiling and ta-da! we are both wide awake. I'm really working on not engaging in this in the middle of the night, but it is damn hard to ignore that adorable smile.
Nights are getting to be very tough. She had a few long stretches here and there, but recently her sleep has been broken into 1-3 hour chunks. She has begun to dislike naps as well... so we are both running on empty. I'm already dreading sleep-training... I will have such a hard time ignoring my crying baby. She has perfected the sympathy-envoking crying face that makes it absolutely impossible to ignore. I have a pit in my stomach about training already, but at some point I will need a good night's sleep. Until then, I will do my best to enjoy our midnight snuggle sessions.
Riley got her first round of shots the other day. Ugh, what a rough day. Probably more rough for me than for her. What really got me was the fact that she was laying there so cute and curious when the nurse was talking to her. She was thoroughly enjoying engaging with this unfamiliar face, and had no idea that she was about to experience pain. She was a brave little cookie, but I on the other hand wasn't. I cried right along with her. I would take a thousand shots in a heartbeat if it meant that she wouldn't have to get another one. I am now getting worried about how hard it will be to watch her struggle in life. I know, life is full of pain and challenges... I know they are necessary to grow and gain experience... but how I wish she could just lead a painless life full of nothing but joy and love. I feel like I am full to the brim with cliches, but I now understand how mothers can lift cars off of their babies. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for Riley.
Charley flew a few of my friends out over MLK weekend - it was such a nice little bubble in time. We just sat around the house, chatted about babies and weddings and life. Carly has been a mom for 7 months, and she is a wonderful one. It was so nice to have her stay here - she provided a fresh perspective on motherhood and was constant reminder that everything really will be okay and our babies will keep growing into amazing tiny humans. Sarah is planning her wedding, and I just don't think I could be any happier for this bride-to-be. I enjoyed watching her glow and experience the happiness that she so deserves.
I deeply miss my friends and wish we weren't all spread out over the globe. I am working on making some friends at a new mommy group.
Charley has gotten some QT with Riley finally (he's stepped aside quite a bit so that our visitors can get some time with the baby). He is such a cute dad, and it is fun to watch him step into his new role as a father. This little lady has him wrapped around her little finger and it melts my heart.
I am also quickly realized how fortunate I am that I don't have to return to work for the time being. I can't imagine missing moments with her, and I really feel for my friends who have to leave their little ones behind when they go back.
Riley is such a source of joy in my life and I am so thankful that I get to be her mom. It just keeps getting better and better.
aww, sweetie! She is just so beautiful! I'm glad you got to spend time with Alexis and then with Sarah and your other friends.
ReplyDeleteThose mom's groups can be really great, I hope you keep up with it. I was in one after Taylor's birth and until Carter was about 2 (I was the first one to have my 2nd child!) and then we all drifted apart as we really didn't have that much in common after babyhood. But, that's ok because just having those other mom's to commiserate with and those other babies for my baby to socialize with, was invaluable.
We can't WAIT to meet that baby and give you and Charley big hugs. Love you!