3 Months

Three Months

"Today you are You,

that is truer than true.

There is no one alive

who is Youer than

You."

- Dr. Seuss

I have finally started to realize that Riley is a tiny human.  This is a very obvious fact of life - babies grow into adult humans. And it is sad to admit this, but sometimes I forgot this and almost associated her with a pet!  I have actually slipped and said that I am bringing her to the vet instead of the pediatrician.  She was helpless, dependent, not very interactive and I pet her head quite frequently (I know - she wasn't furry).  But over the past month her humanness has started to bloom.  She smiles back when smiled to, she makes eye contact (which seems to grip me from the inside out), she makes tons of noises (and not just as a result of her digestive system), plays...  I'm sure in two months I'll look back and think how silly this sounds when she is doing even more.  But this little kiddo is growin'!

Recently I've spent a lot of time thinking about the fact that she is one of a kind.  Obviously every person is one of a kind, but it really sinks in when you get to observe a person's life from the very beginning.  She is a unique little person (with a few of her mom and dad's traits), and I have realized how much I want to protect her individuality.  I want her to be raised surrounded by love and good values, but it is just as important that she has an endless amount of space to grow into the person she is meant to be as well as the confidence to do so.  I think back on the moments throughout my life when I failed to be myself (for whatever reason) - I want to give Riley the tools to be a courageous lady who is true to herself (the name Riley means "courageous" after all).  She deserves it, and this mama bear will try to stop anyone who gets in her way...

So of course good ol' Dr. Seuss struck one of my heart strings today.

We've been lucky and had my mom visit for two full weeks. It was such a treat to have somebody here to cook dinner, do laundry, feed my cat (poor guy gets ignored), and just keep up with life.  More importantly, it was nice to have her here to help keep my anxiety away.  Every evening I get butterflies in anticipation of what the night might bring.  I may be pleasantly surprised with a 4 or 5 hour stretch of sleep, or I might be tapping into my last stores of patience and energy as I try all night long to get Riley to sleep.  It was just nice to be able to pass Riley off to her in the morning and get an extra hour or two of sleep.

It has been tough for Charley to be working all day - he usually gets to see her on the tail end of her day, which is typically when things start to fall apart a bit (some mothers call that the witching hour).  Recently though she has been waking up before he leaves for work in the morning so he's gotten to leave for work with a full dose of Riley smiles.  I'm sure it helps a bit.

The other day I was thinking about the book The Happiness Project, and have been wishing that I'd jotted down things that bring me joy on a daily basis.  In that vein, I figured I'd try and capture a few things that I'm certain will get lost in my memory as time passes.

The parts of motherhood that I cherish:

• The sound of Riley's breath in my ear when I pick her up
• Her long, deep stretches when she's picked up
• Watching her chubby little legs kick around when she is changed
• When she accidentally sucks on my cheek or shoulder when looking for a pacifier
• The look of happiness on her face when I get her from her crib
• Although a bit painful at times, the way she grips onto my hair
• When her eyes are open so wide that her forehead crinkles
• The way her bottom lip curls before a very sad cry (I know I shouldn't enjoy this, but it is so cute)
• Her little fists/hands slapping me in the face (a "slap" from a baby is a pretty cute tap)

I'm just trying to drink it all in, because this little lady is growing fast.